Last month we talked about transformation, which means to literally change our form. In this case we are talking about a transformation in our lives from our current conditions to a life we love to live. We learned about looking at the shadows in our life, the places that we feel the least loved and happy, and accepting and loving them as they are thus setting us free from those ‘monsters’. This month we continue to dig deep into the subject of transformation.
Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You want to make a change. You study and formulate a plan. You dream of the end results, right down to every detail. You set intentions and say affirmations. Confident you will succeed, you start the work. Before long, you look around and everything is in shambles. This is not at all what you thought it would be like. Nothing seems to be working out for you. Things are painful, uncomfortable, and aggravating. In fact, you seem to be failing! You pull out your gratitude practice and your affirmative prayers – and yet it FEELS like nothing is going as planned. What did you do wrong?
Well, before you give up, consider this analogy: Have you ever done a home renovation? You make your plans, get a mental image of the ‘perfect’ results, pick out all the new ‘stuff’, hire professionals (or study up on your D.I.Y. skills), and now you’re ready to transform your old room into something new. What is the first step in the process? DEMOLITION. To make room for the NEW you must pack up all your belongings and remove them from the room, then rip out and rearrange the old.
Let’s say you’ve paid a contractor to remodel your kitchen and they show you the plan for the finished product and you LOVE it. But let’s say this is your first remodel and you have no idea what to expect. So, you come home from work one day and get ready to cook dinner. You walk into the kitchen and nearly scream at what you see. Cabinets are gone, holes in walls, appliances removed. What has he done to me? you frantically think to yourself. Angrily you call the contractor. What was he thinking? You can’t live like this! How dare he rip your kitchen apart without consulting you first? You hope he doesn’t think you will pay him for this disaster!
Now let’s say that the contractor actually got done more than he expected and is pleased with the progress in your home. He thinks you are going to be thrilled at the progress and at the fact that he may even be able to save you some money if things continue to go as smoothly. He cheerfully answers the phone and next thing he knows you are screaming and shouting about the state of the kitchen. He is livid! How dare you take for granted all of his hard work? How dare you speak at him like that when he was just thinking of saving you some money? What is your problem?
Now you have two people who see the situation from vastly different perspectives and the potential for a BIG problem. You didn’t know that the process would get ugly before it started getting better. He didn’t know that you didn’t know what to expect.
Life can be just like this. We don’t always know what to expect when we’re about to make changes in life. In fact, the only thing that we can say for sure is “there will be change”. When we’re used to trying to maintain life as it is all of the time, we’re not used to the DEMOLITION process and have no idea what to look for or what to expect. In much of our society, we have been conditioned to see things as either “right” or “wrong” rather than just evolving. Our reaction to the things that are changing in life greatly impact the outcome. We can lose our cool and blow up at the people around us who are doing the job/s we’ve asked them to do, or we can remember that we are in the demolition phase of change.
So, we’re human. We’re bound to react from time to time in ways that we wish we hadn’t. So now what do we do after we’ve yelled at the contractor and he’s explained to us that this is the normal process? After we make our amends, how can we move forward through this process without making life too difficult for everyone involved?
- Let go. We’ve never made this change before and so we’re not going to be able to predict what the process will look like or to control every step in the journey. This is where faith comes in. We’ve discussed our gratitude practice, affirmations, journaling, and these are all great tools to keep us on track as we adjust to the process of letting go and allowing the change to happen. Also remember that this process of letting go is a process. It comes with practice so don’t beat up on yourself too much when you have a reaction and lose your cool.
- Measure. It’s also important to measure our progress. Just as the contractor had a goal for how much of the demo work to get done the first day and was pleased that he was making great time, you can set small goals for yourself. Just as we’ve learned that we will see that which we intend to see, intend to look for progress at every phase—even the messy phase.
- Reward. Just as our contractor was willing to reduce the price of the remodel for good results, set a reward or two in place for yourself. Never underestimate the value of positive self-talk. Take some time to congratulate yourself and to really feel proud of your progress.
An example of this comes from one of my clients who told me that she was waiting to afford to get a pedicure. That was one of the things that she missed doing on a regular basis and no longer felt she could afford to. She decided that if it wasn’t in the budget, she could do a pedicure at home but with as much love as she could muster. So, she got all of her supplies together and sat down and as she worked on her own feet, she thanked them for literally carrying her through life without fail! She loved each toe as she clipped and filed and painted the nails. Of course, having someone else do a pedicure feels amazing, but no one else can pour out love into your cells the way that you can. In this way she was able to show appreciation for herself and her hard work without spending money.
- Raise vibrations. We also want to raise our energetic vibration so that we are a match for that which we intend to see happen in our lives. Each day, consider how life would feel if you were already living the life you love. Feel that feeling. Immerse yourself in it. Hold it for as long as you can, then pick something simple that you can do that will allow you to continue to feel that feeling throughout the day.
Here is a great morning reflection to help to raise those vibes: “How would I feel right now if I were absolutely certain that this (my current circumstance) is exactly how it should look while I am remodeling to achieve the life I love living?”
- Become a match. Like attracts like, it’s the Law. In order to create more of something, we need to become that which we wish to attract. If you want to attract love, practice being more loving. To attract money, practice giving money. To attract praise, practice giving sincere praise.
Journal entry: “What is one thing that I can do today to practice being ____ (loving, prosperous, etc) in order to attract more of the same?”
As a professionally trained coach, I work with clients who are in the ‘mess’ of change. They come to me when they need another perspective and need help to identify the progress when everything around them seems to be going wrong. When you’re ready to move out of the DEMOLITION phase and see everything fall into place, contact me or to schedule your first consultation.