When you want to make changes, but don’t know where to begin
There is one essential strategy you need to get through divorce. Whether currently divorced, considering divorce, or in the midst of a divorce, there is a growing concern: CHANGE. You know you want to make big changes in your life. Maybe you have no idea what exactly those changes will be just yet, but you know you want life to feel different from what it currently feels like. Questions mount: “Will I be able to handle all of my own bills” “What kind of support will I have from family and friends?” “What if things just get messy and I have no idea where to turn?” “Can I really do this all alone?”
First, let me say from experience, stop. Take a breath. It will all be okay. Now, keep reading.
There are some simple but powerful steps that you can do now to begin to gain some perspective, some confidence, and to deal with these challenges.
- Gratitude. Right now it may seem as if the negative things piling up in your life far outweigh the positive. The very fact that you are reading this blog is a blessing. Think about thousands of things that you do automatically that allow you to read, comprehend, and process this information. You have sight. And if you don’t have sight it’s likely that you are listening to this, which means you have hearing. You have the mental capacity to understand the information that you are now reading (or listening to). Hundreds of thousands of chemical reactions are taking place in your brain, allowing you to understand and retain this information. You may even be comparing this information to things you have heard about or read before. You may even be thinking about how you can apply this to future events in your life. And a great deal of these actions are taking place almost involuntarily by you. In fact, every day we experience much of our day on autopilot. Think of what gifts each of our senses are. Think of how blessed we are that we are able to function so well from day to day with minimal effort on our part. Imagine what it might be like if we had to expend effort to do each mundane task, one at a time.Once you begin to think about all of the teeny tiny things in life there are to be grateful for, how do you feel? It is impossible to feel fear and gratitude simultaneously. Spend some time listing as many things in your life there are to be grateful for.
- Vision. Once you have made a gratitude list, begin to think about the life that you would like to create for yourself. There is no dream too big or too small, and you don’t even have to have a plan to make your dreams come true. By simply having a dream or goal in mind, you are on your way to that better feeling life. What does your dream look like? Smell like? Taste like? Who are you with? Where are you geographically? Are you in a different house? On a different continent? Are you in solitude in a sacred space or surrounded by loving friends and family? There is no right or wrong here. This is your dream. You get to decide. Take a minute and write down your dream… even if it feels impossible to obtain.
- Step. You now know how blessed you are, even if things are not perfect in your life right now. You also know how you want to feel and how you would like your life to look. You have an idea for your dream life. In every goal there is a gap between where you are now and where you would like to be. Some gaps seem impossible to bridge, and so that is why we take baby-steps.Take a moment to write down one thing that you can do in the coming week to help you move toward your goal. No step is too small.
Now that you know what is possible and what you want you may encounter some challenges along the path. It’s okay! Just keep moving forward.
Ready for a change? I work with clients just like you who are looking for big change and have either encountered obstacles along the way, or who struggle to figure out what the next ‘big thing’ is for them. Contact me today for a consultation to see if the DreamBuilder program might be for you.