Where Am I Allowing My Own Resistance to Surface in the Form of Blame?

We all have that one friend: you’re out for dinner or lunch and you hear story after story about how miserable they are and how awful life is, but no matter how creative and inspiring your advice, they always come back with some excuse about someone else and how if it weren’t for that person, they could do anything they wanted to do. The truth is, we’re all doing what we want to do all of the time. Any “others” in our lives can be our opportunity or our excuse for why we do or don’t do what we choose to do. I consider these opportunities – when I see clearly in another behaviors I dislike – and take my own inventory and look within. Where am I allowing my own resistance to surface in the form of blame?

Over the past few months we’ve been examining all the ways in which we allow resistance to change to hold us back and prevent us from having what we really want in life. Last month we talked about how we allow the beliefs we grow up with to serve as excuses for staying “safe”. The month before that, we discussed how our assumptions create resistance. This month is all about using “them”, others, God, the Universe – anyone other than you—as reasons to resist making changes in life.

When we’re children we have relatively few choices. Most of life is pre-planned for us by the adults in our lives. We don’t get to choose where we go to school – or even whether or not to go to school – or if and where we go to church, if both parents work outside of the home, if our parents are well off or if the family struggles financially. In fact, MOST things in life are outside of our immediate control when we’re children. As we grow in age and development, the world opens up and we find ourselves faced with more and more choices. Making choices and thus taking the responsibility from the consequences of our choices is an important part of growing into an adult.

For many of us, the consequences of choices we’ve made in life (and some choices that were not ours to make at all) vary from being minor inconveniences to major traumas. It’s normal and natural to assess past consequences to predict the possible future consequences of any choice. It’s part of our built-in safety mechanism. However, for many of us we become attached to a certain outcome regardless of the circumstances or the level of our ability at any given moment.

Here’s an example:

Lois took piano lessons as a child. At Lois’s first piano recital, despite practicing her number for weeks, she found herself confronted with stage fright. She began to play, shakily pressing each key. She fumbled and pressed the wrong keys in the wrong order and froze! A few of the other children in the front row started to giggle, and before she knew it, all of the other children were laughing at her. She was humiliated. She walked off of the stage, sobbing, vowing to never be so humiliated again!

Lois never stopped practicing, in fact she may have been considered gifted. She practiced for hours a day and over the years developed the level of skill that few ever develop. However, the memory of her first recital was so strong and she never brought herself to move past it. Fear of being laughed at by her peers crept into many other aspects of Lois’s life. She never really stepped outside of her comfort zone with work or family. She built a “safe” but unsatisfying life devoid of any real sense of purpose. It didn’t matter to Lois that over the years she had developed muscle memory, that her body would almost take over from her mind and play each piece flawlessly. It didn’t matter to her that as an adult she had developed other coping mechanisms not available to her as a child. It didn’t matter that she had, in her life, been through much scarier and more dangerous situations than just making a mistake on the piano. None of these things mattered to Lois. To her, the memory of being laughed off the stage was still very real and very scary.

How many times in life do we allow a single outcome to change our behavior for the rest of our lives? How much do we miss out on? How often do we sell ourselves short or hold ourselves back from greatness because of one thing that happened one time? How might life be different if we looked at life differently? Instead of focusing on what might go wrong, what if we focused on what might (and most likely WILL) go RIGHT?

We’ve used Louise Hay’s bestseller “You Can Heal Your Life” as a study guide and we’ve made lists of areas of our own lives where we’ve allowed our own resistance to prevent us from living the life we truly want to live. This month, I’d like you to go a step further. Take a look at the list below and make your own inventory of where you’re surrendering your power to others. Take just one of the items from your list and break that down by listing all of the ways in which things might go RIGHT for you, if you were to decide to let go of the resistance. I’ve provided an example below.


“We give our power to others and use that excuse as our resistance to changing. We have ideas like:

  • God doesn’t approve
  • I’m waiting for the stars to say it’s ok
  • This isn’t the right environment
  • They won’t let me change
  • I don’t have the right teacher/book/class/tools
  • My doctor doesn’t want me to
  • I can’t get time off work
  • I don’t want to be under their spell
  • It’s all their fault
  • They have to change first
  • As soon as I get ________, I’ll do it
  • You/they won’t understand
  • I don’t want to hurt them
  • It’s against my upbringing, religion, philosophy.”

Example: “It’s all their fault.” I’ve always dreamed of being a photographer but instead I got married young and had children. I sacrificed so much to be a mom, and now I’m too old to do anything. My family needs me so I can’t take any time for myself to practice and hone my skills. What could go right? Well, maybe I could take a few classes. My kids are older now. Besides maybe they need to do a few things for themselves. I might be less stressed and angry all the time if I had a hobby that was just for me. Plus, my family might see me differently and appreciate me more. I’ll see myself differently! I’ll appreciate me more! Even if I never become ‘famous’ my life could be filled with joy and pride and a feeling of personal satisfaction.

As a coach, I’ve worked with so many people who are now doing the kinds of things they always dreamed of doing but never thought they could! It’s a source of deep joy for me when my clients are able to move (sometimes slowly, sometimes swiftly) towards their heartfelt dreams and desires. I’d love to hear from you. Schedule a no-cost discovery session today.

Remembering Louise Hay

This month our, dear friend Louise Hay transitioned peacefully in her sleep. She was a dynamic woman who devoted nearly her entire life to love and transformation. She pioneered the positive affirmation and brought into mainstream the idea of positive thinking, a gratitude practice, and the mind-body connection.
This remarkable woman was (and continues to be) a light to us all.
Much love.

Manifesting With Trust: Your thoughts create your reality!

We have all heard the expression ‘blind faith’. A dictionary definition of blind faith is “belief without true understanding, perception, or discrimination.”

The differences between faith and blind faith are simple: You can have faith that something will occur knowing that the evidence suggests the outcome, but blind-faith is having faith something will occur with no evidence or conflicting evidence against that outcome. When we’re in the midst of a struggle it may seem as if we’re placing faith blindly because at the time there may be no logical way that we can imagine life working out for us. But there is another way to look at faith. Faith is trusting that life is always working for your best, never against you.

Many people will read the last sentence and will immediately have a list of examples to ‘prove’ that this statement simply isn’t true. There was this time, that time, and another time when awful things happened to you and despite trying your best, you were victim of circumstance.

It’s true that we always do our best. And in our life our best can change. But just as our best can change, so can the reality of any situation.

“ Thinking and acting with faith changes the results that you get.” – Alan Cohen

Many times in my life I’ve encountered situations where fear-based thoughts have taken over and just as I expected, something difficult or ‘bad’ resulted.

For example, have you ever had one of those days when you wake up on the “wrong side of the bed”? Everything seems to go wrong. You overslept, you skip breakfast, you rush out the door and forget your keys, you have to run back and get them, and finally you run into to so much traffic. Everyone on the road seems to be in the same hurried frame of mind; you can see the expressions on their faces, mad, heated, and frustrated. Yikes! Now you are really late for work. The more you think about being late, the later it becomes.

Remember, our thoughts create our reality. 

As I’ve grown in my daily practice of gratitude and awareness, I’ve learned to shift my focus. During those times when I would have been fearful or doubtful, I’ve learned instead to focus on gratitude (which raises my vibration and allows me to feel better in general and less fearful) and then trust that the Divine has a solution for me. And just as expected, something manifests and things work out for the better. It seems counterintuitive to place faith in something that you have no way of knowing for sure will work out for you, but that is the nature of faith. The times when things seem at the worse are the times when we are being asked to practice trusting the most.

Now let me share another story about being late: You are waiting at the airport and find out your airplane will be late. You realize that means you might miss your connection. The new you steps back and intends that all is well and you’ll make the connection and be able to see your family tonight. You see all the people around you upset but you are seeing everything work out for the highest good. Do you know how this will happen? Not exactly but you know you have the tools to remain positive. So, your plane takes off and when you arrive at the gate you are pleasantly surprised that you are exactly in the right place, in fact after the plane is clean you’ll be back on the same plane and arriving home on time!

It’s natural when faced with situations where the outcome is unpredictable to feel threatened. These trying times don’t have to be so scary. Faith/trust, like any other practice, is a tool that we can develop. As we practice trust and faith, we see evidence of life working out for us instead of against us. We begin to see that we really do create our own reality based on the way we perceive our circumstances. How many times have you looked back on a situation only to notice that even though it felt difficult, things were actually working out for you? Imagine how the situation may have been different if only you had been looking for the blessing rather than feeling angry or scared or sad about it. Suddenly the worst experience in your life (which is usually what we’re thinking when we’re in the midst of it) is the most transformative and beautiful phase in our journey. It’s all about our perception of any situation and having faith that all is well in hand and life always works out for the best.

There’s a simple practice that we all can do to begin to see results in our daily life. But when we’re emotional, it can be more difficult to see the results because of our emotional attachment to the situation. We start with something very simple that doesn’t have much significance—just to see if this really works. Just like doing a science project in school, we use the Scientific Method to prove or disprove this principle.

A Call to ACTION: You don’t have to take my word for it, try it yourself! For the next 48 hours, try this experiment yourself. With an open mind, see what shows up for you. (Credit: E²  by Pam Grout, HAY HOUSE, INC. Copyright © 2013)

  1. Question: “Do I have any say over my life? Am I just handed good or bad luck in life or do I get to choose how life works for me?”
  2. Theory/Concept : “Life shows up for me according to how I am willing to see it. Life is just a reflection of my inner thoughts about it.”
  3. Hypothesis: “If I look for something specific over the next 48 hours, I will see it show up according to my intent (where I am focusing my attention).”
  4. The Test: On day one set your intention and actively look for the evidence. “I hereby intend for the next 24 hours to look for butterflies.” (or replace ‘butterflies’ with any object of your choosing). The next day, repeat this statement and look for something else. An example might be: “I hereby intend for the next 24 hours to look for Volkswagen Beetles.”
  5. Measure: Day one I looked for ____________. Number that showed up: ______.
    Day two I looked for _______________. Number that showed up: ______.
    Additional notes or observations: _______________________________________________.

Please play along with me and post on my Facebook page: Linda B Riddle Inc -Coaching and Consulting. I’d be thankful if you’d like the page too. Be on the lookout for some more posts that ask you to intend to find something, look for it, and post how many you found.

Now that you have practiced something as simple and insignificant as seeing butterflies or Volkswagen Beetles, imagine what could show up for you if you practice seeing joy, gratitude, abundance, love, and whatever it is that you feel might be missing. How could life change for you?

In my coaching practice, I work with clients to see life in a whole new way. I’m blessed to see miracles created in the lives of those I work with and am here to help you! Contact me today to schedule your first 30-minute session.