Divorce

Resistance to Change and What’s Really Holding You Back

Does this sound familiar?

Something happens in your life which is unexpected or triggers a sense of fear. You immediately begin to make choices as a reaction to this sense of uncertainty out of a desire to feel safe and comfortable again. You rearrange everything in your life to try to protect yourself from these sudden and uncomfortable changes. But, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you work, the issue resurfaces. Maybe it shows up as a temper tantrum and loss of emotional control. Maybe it shows up as pain or illness in the body. However, it shows up, you fight against it, trying to regain that feeling of security.

This process is simply your soul’s way of telling you that it’s time for a change.

One experience from a coaching client of mine is as follows:

“When my partner and I got together, my life was in shambles. He was there for me through it all and I felt indebted to him to prove that I would be a good partner and repay all of his love and support. I tried to do everything perfectly without complaint. Even though I worked full time and was raising three children, including our baby, I always felt like I was never enough. I tried to keep the house in perfect order, to make the children behave, to have hot meals when he came home – I wanted him to stay with me and to love me and never leave me. With all of the responsibility I felt I had taken on, and never feeling like I could do enough, there were times when I lost my temper and lashed out. I was stretched thin and felt like he didn’t do enough. My desire to repay his kindness had soured and turned to resentment. In reality, I wouldn’t really let him help me or ask him to help me because I felt it was my job to make everyone happy all of the time. I had to have control. Loss of control meant losing him. The day came when he did finally leave. My worst nightmare (I thought) had come true. A monumental change was occurring in my life and I was terrified.”

Most of us have had times in our lives when change has been dangerous. We’ve had things happen which have blindsided us, brought pain and sadness, have seemed like life is out to get us. When these things happen we’re left wondering “why am I going through this? Haven’t I worked hard enough? Don’t I deserve better?”

There is a saying that goes “The only constant in life is change.”

One of the greatest obstacles to being able to see these changes as blessings is RESISTANCE. Resistance shows up in many ways – ways that you may not even be aware of. Once you learn to look for these signals, you can work with your resistance to allow change to be a positive process instead of a fearful one.

My coaching client goes on to say:

“Once I was able to look at my resistance and see what I had created I was able to see that the end of this relationship was a blessing in disguise. I had been smothering him, attempting to control the situation and relationship to make him stay with me. Even though I told myself that I had done nothing wrong, the reality was that I was creating resistance for both of us. In order for each of us to grow and evolve I had to be willing to let go. It was painful at first, but I practiced seeing the highest and best for each of us. As I looked at all of the ways in which I had been resistant, I began to see my soul lesson surface. My story that said that I would never be good enough and would never be able to repay him for being there in the beginning was only an excuse to stay ‘safe’. I had built walls and was hiding inside of them instead of allowing the growth and transformation to occur. The feelings of guilt, sadness, and pain are still there and surface from time to time, but with this light of awareness I’m able to identify them, to allow them, and to practice letting go.”

One of the greatest transformational authors of our time is Louise Hay (1926-2017), founder of Hay House Publications. Her book, “You Can Heal Your Life” has been in print since 1984 and is still considered a cornerstone in the New Thought and New Age movement. In this groundbreaking book, she identifies these areas of resistance as:

Non-verbal cues
Assumptions
Beliefs
Them
Self-concepts
Delaying tactics
Denial
Fear.

Over the coming months we will break down each of these categories of resistance to change. If you follow along and are willing to look at areas of your life where you may be resisting change, your new awareness in these areas can open the pathway to possibility. Once you have become aware of what’s stopping you, you can release these blockers and move through these with ease and grace.

Change is a process. It’s nothing to fear – even if change has been scary up until now.

In “You Can Heal Your Life,” Louise Hay identifies Non-Verbal Cues as follows:

“Our actions often show our resistance. For instance:

Changing the subject
Leaving the room
Going to the bathroom
Being late
Getting sick
Procrastinating by:
- Doing something else
- Doing busy work
- Wasting time
Looking away, or out the window
Flipping through a magazine
Refusing to pay attention
Eating, drinking, or smoking
Creating or ending a relationship
Creating breakdowns: cars, appliances, plumbing, etc.”

ACTION STEPS:

On a sheet of paper, write down the ways in which you may be attempting to resist changes through your actions. For example, you may say that you want to work on a particular relationship, but whenever a genuine conversation begins, you look away or change the subject. Maybe you delay coming home so that you don’t have to face your partner. Perhaps you get sick so that you don’t have to attend an event that you know a certain person is attending.

Take it easy on yourself. This exercise is not intended for you to beat up on yourself or to create drama. Practice a lot of love and forgiveness as you are making your list. Remember that we are always doing our best at all times. Most of us don’t even know that we’re using these resistance techniques in our lives until we sit down and take a look. This exercise is meant to bring a loving awareness to these areas of our lives so that we can begin to shift our thinking. We all know that if we change our thinking, we change our lives. So much of our thinking is automatic programming from events that have happened in the past. In order to begin to change our thinking, we only need to shed the light of awareness.

I’d love to hear about your experiences as you begin to be aware of the resistance tactics you are using in life. Feel free to share them on my Facebook page, or contact me directly. And as always, you can book your 30-minute introductory session with me by contacting me.

Transformation Part 7: Expansion in “The Gap”

The past several months have been all about transformation. You’ve walked through a transformation process that has been around since ancient times: Recognize, Unify, Realize, Give thanks, and Release.

Now I ask you to dig a bit deeper and get into what many transformational teachers refer to as “the gap”. In this case it is the “gap” between the way life shows up now versus the way you want it to show up.

It’s a metaphysical Universe. In the “Meta” or the mind of God you are the image maker. You work in conjunction with (in coherence with) the mind of God. You do this naturally because you have a conscious connection to the mind of God. Your brain is the instrument that connects you with “the Meta”. You do this with the frequency of your thoughts.

In “the gap”, trouble arises when you have an image of what you want life to look like but don’t know how to traverse “the gap” between the Meta (mind) and the physical (results). In this gap, the same old thinking just will not do. In order to arrive at where you want to be from where you are, you will need to generate NEW thinking.

It’s estimated that over 90% of your thoughts are not actually thoughts at all. Most of what you would call thinking is actually just brain activity that is mistaken for thinking. The brain is wired to repeat information in order to create neural-pathways that act like short cuts in your thinking and make it easy for you to perform every-day tasks. This is why when learning a new skill, you spend a lot of time concentrating your focus and acting with care, but eventually find that you are able to complete skills with expertise but very little thought. This is why old habits and old ways of thinking can be very comfortable to settle back into. It’s just automatic wiring.

When you are thinking exciting new and creative thoughts, you are in “Meta”, your creative access. It’s from this space that you’re generating in harmony with your own Essence: new ideas, images, and answers. You will know you are in harmony when you begin to feel a quickening. The central nervous system is wired to notify you when you are in harmony with your divine self; your real self. The nervous system is wired to notify you when you are out of harmony, when you start to feel contracted, constricted, anxious, worried, frustrated.

Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

When you are in “the gap” and standing in awe of your own greatness, it’s easy to toy in these areas and play small because it can be frightening to catch a glimpse of really how powerful and creative you are.

Did you know that about 70 percent of people who win a lottery or get a big windfall actually end up broke in a few years, according to the National Endowment for Financial Education? “People who were little, ordinary people all of a sudden become extraordinary,” says Steve Lewit, CEO of Wealth Financial Group in Chicago. “They’re euphoric. They lose all sense of reality. They think they’re invincible and powerful. They think they’re Superman.”

Unfortunately, without a consciousness of Abundance, no matter what or how much you receive, it can’t stick around without a shift in thinking. Old thinking (I’m broke) creates old results (I’m broke).

You are your own self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you know people who always have bad luck? Maybe you see it in your own thinking? Maybe it seems like one thing after another is always “taking” your money or other things that are important to you. Maybe you feel like you can never get ahead.

When you find yourself stuck, consider asking the following questions:

“Am I procrastinating?”
“Am I allowing fear to prevent me from action?”
“Am I allowing doubt to sabotage me?”
“Am I thinking new vibrant thoughts or old comfortable thoughts?”
“Am I stuck in my comfort zone?”

If you said “yes” to one or more of the above questions, it’s OK! Good news! You are just in the gap! You’re in the right place – but you don’t have to stay there.

Here is an exercise to generate new creative thinking:

Using a pencil and paper, choose three intentions that you would like for yourself in your life. These can be three goals you want to reach, three things you want to acquire, three things you want to experience – it’s completely up to you.
Write down, the answer to this question: “What are the beliefs that someone who has these things already believes?”
So, what beliefs are necessary to attract a certain amount of money?
Get clear on what beliefs you have to start having and holding in order to be congruent with who you want to become.
As you are writing out these beliefs, take notice of that voice inside of you that likes to argue about what you can’t have that you want. You don’t have to believe them just notice them. Write them down. These are very important clues to the thoughts that keep your consciousness in the lack mode. These are also called limiting beliefs.
Write these limiting beliefs down.
Now, begin to change your limiting beliefs to positive beliefs. Example: “I can’t make more money because I don’t have the proper education.” Instead write this positive statement: “I have all the knowledge I need to successfully make $100,000 a year.” “I’ll never be successful!” Think positive: “I am a successful in all my activities and endeavors.”

These “gap” experiences are a natural part of a transformation, but you don’t have to go it alone. Contact me today to schedule your free discovery session. I’ll stand with you while you traverse “the gap”!

For True Love, Be Your Own Valentine

It’s February, and that means Valentine’s Day is coming. Most of us associate Valentine’s Day with romance. But if you’re looking for ‘true love’ this year, consider looking within.

You’ve heard the expression that you can’t find love until you first learn to love yourself. This rarely prevents most of us from seeking romantic love, regardless of how we feel about ourselves. It’s natural to seek out companionship in life, whether the romantic type or just deep connections with friends who really ‘get’ you. So in the midst of any big life change, especially a divorce or separation, how do you go about building these relationships in a way that honors where you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to be headed?

In my coaching practice, one of the very basic parts of any relationship– friend, family, romantic, business, or otherwise– is communication. I often suggest my clients read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. In this book, we learn that each of us communicate using different ‘languages’ for expressing love. You may not realize how deeply we each need to give and receive feelings of love in all areas of our lives, but this simple human need is at the core of all relationships. At work, at home, with friendships, our relationships feel more harmonious and things just seem to go smoother when we feel loved and appreciated.

When you learn about the language that you most often use for communication, you can gain important insights into not only yourself and how to best feel loved by another, but also how to best feel love for yourself. And I don’t just mean romantic love. I am talking about validation, fulfillment, and acceptance.

Have you ever had a disagreement with a really good friend who failed to see why you were so upset? Maybe they did something for you thinking that you would really appreciate the effort only to find that their actions were unwanted. Or maybe one friend felt as if they were making all of the effort and that you were making little or none. Once this information came to light, did you realize that the things that they valued and the things that you valued in a friendship were different? Maybe you thought you were making an effort and being a good friend by just being there with them and offering a listening ear, but they expected something completely different. Maybe your first instinct was to offer a hug, but they shied away. You might feel hurt by this seeming rejection of your affection. This is a great example of how different love languages can create miscommunication and if unresolved can be harmful to the relationships in your life.

In his book, Chapman illustrates several examples of these languages which are:

Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
Physical Touch: With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.

Once you’ve learned about the love languages, a simple quiz can help you to identify the primary and secondary languages that you use automatically every day with those around you. You can take the quiz here to learn what languages, in turn, make you feel more valued and validated.

Understanding your language, you can begin to request the things you need from others and to ask them, in turn, what they need to feel more appreciated. You can forgive more easily when you’re able to understand your different communication styles and to develop habits that help you to feel loved and those that help others to feel loved. This is especially helpful when those around you may use languages for expressing love that are different from your own. Miscommunication and feelings of neglect or resentments can be cleared up when you realize that it truly is ‘nothing personal’, we are all just expressing love in our own way. You can even learn to give love to yourself in ways that are deeper and more fulfilling.

So, this February, whether you are single or partnered, consider being your own Valentine. Learn more about your love language and how to communicate in ways that make you feel more valued and validated.

I work with individuals who are in the midst of life change and who are ‘stuck’ or unsure of what to do next. Many of my clients don’t know exactly what’s not working, they only know that they want more happiness from life. Contact me today to schedule a free 30 min discovery session to learn how we might work together to create a more fulfilling life for you as well.

Standing Steady to Reach Your Goals in the Midst of Divorce or Loss

Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. — A. A. Milne

Statistically, most people give up on their New Year’s resolutions by February 1st. It’s possible that some of us may not really take this tradition seriously, knowing that it will just be a matter of time before we give in. Some of us may think we are setting goals that we really believe in without being fully invested. Some of us may really want to reach our goal but give in just as soon as ‘real life’ shows up. But for many, the thought of trying and failing ‘yet again’ is enough to keep us from getting truly invested in setting and working towards a goal.

If this happens year after year, then why bother to set goals?

For most of us, there is a deep yearning for life to feel better. And we think that by reaching a goal that we set for ourselves, we will feel better. But have you ever reached a goal only to find that in the end you weren’t REALLY satisfied? Was that goal really for you?

Many of my coaching clients come to me unsure of the goals they really want to accomplish and know they would love my help so they can live a happier and more fulfilled life. They’re either past the point of even trying, or they have so many other things happening in life that they can’t even see themselves reaching a goal that they set for themselves.

So how do we develop a way to stick to the things that we are truly and deeply committed to? How do we keep moving forward even when everything seems stacked against us? How do we begin to work towards feeling that we can even set a goal in the first place, and then really stick to it?

In my coaching programs, there is a quick and easy way that, with practice, has proven to allow my clients to stand firm and work towards those things that are the most important to them.

Please note, if you are unsure that you can even reach a goal right now because life seems so impossible, it’s ok to start small. How about a simple goal of “I think a positive thought about myself each day.” or “I create a gratitude list each night.” In reality, it doesn’t matter what the goal is because the magic is not in reaching a goal, it’s in the shift that happens when retraining your brain to see the positive in life.

Test your goal.
Notice what you notice.
Reframe negative self talk.
Practice and notice progress.

1- Test your goal. The first thing I do is ask my clients to put their goal to a test. Any goal worth accomplishing may evoke some degree of fear or resistance. It’s natural when stepping out of your comfort zone to feel a little unsteady. Ultimately any goal worth working towards should be something that is worthy of YOU. Your goal should be worthy of your very precious time, attention, and energy. You can use this worksheet to test your goal to see that it is worthy of pursuing. An example has been filled out for you here.

2- Notice what you notice. So let’s say that you’ve decided that your goal stands up to the test. Once you are committed, what do you do at the first signs of trouble? I ask my clients to describe to me what they notice. How are they feeling? What circumstances are happening around them? What kind of self-talk is happening? Use the worksheet to help you.

Chances are, the types of messages we tell ourselves when the going is rough, are the same messages we tell ourselves in our unconscious thoughts and likely have for years. This unconscious conditioning can seem insurmountable, but it isn’t. The wonderful news about the human mind is that YOU are in control and anything that can be learned can be unlearned or retrained.

3- Reframe negative self-talk. Once you recognize what the negative messaging is, now you can begin to retrain your brain to overcome future self-sabotage or defeat. In those moments of stress when you can feel yourself ready to cave or when life seems too much, there really is value in the old saying ”just take a deep breath”. This practice creates an immediate interrupt in the old automatic thinking and helps bring awareness to our conscious mind about what our old, limiting self-talk has been.

Write down the thoughts or feelings that you may be experiencing. Now try adding the phrase “up until now”. So now “it’s hard to lose weight” becomes “up until now, it’s been hard to lose weight”. By putting this statement in the past, you begin to actually rewire your brain to believe that the old belief is no longer true. You create room for a new, positive belief to grow and develop. You begin to gain power over the unconscious automatic conditioning that may have been running you for years. Use the worksheet to help you.

Next, write down at least one example of a time when you were able to disprove a negative. And since our word is the beginning of any new creation, if you can’t think of a real example right now, create one. Add as many details about this memory as you can– real or imagined. What were you thinking? Feeling? Doing? Use the worksheet to help you.

4- Practice and notice progress. How many times when trying to reach a goal do you notice and scold yourself for “messing up”? How many times do you praise yourself and enjoy your progress? In the past, it may have seemed like a motivator to notice all of the things that you’ve done wrong when trying to reach a goal. The truth is, that wherever we place our focus, we create. So in noticing faults, we create more faults. In noticing progress, we create more progress. This is why we use positive reinforcement when disciplining children. It works!

So take time when you are noticing some resistance in accomplishing your goal to list all of the things that you have done to get closer to the finish line. Congratulate yourself and really soak in the feeling. Think of the things that you really enjoy doing (and they don’t have to cost a dime!) and take some time for yourself to enjoy those things.

As you practice this process, it will happen quicker and more naturally. You will begin to see shifts in so many other areas in your life. As your thoughts are trained to focus on the positive, the other “stuff” seems less important. Those little miracles that carry us through tough times start to show up. The tough times start to become easier to navigate. We begin to see the lessons and gifts that life’s challenges are there to teach us.

Whether you are working on a New Year’s resolution or another goal in your life, you don’t have to do the work alone. I work closely with people just like you who are facing big changes in life and who want to see real progress. Many of my clients come to me without a clear goal, just the feeling that they are tired of life ‘as it is’ and need help to get to a ‘better’ place. I’ve been so blessed to witness client’s lives improve, some slowly over time, some by leaps and bounds very quickly!

I’m here to help. Contact me for a 30 minute discovery session to discuss how we might work together to help you stand firm when it seems that everything else is going wrong and to begin to build a life you love.

Transform your holiday ‘pity-party for one’ into something magical!

Going through divorce, separation, or some other loss is challenging enough. With the holidays approaching, it can be especially harrowing. Commercials on TV remind us of how Christmas ‘should’ be. Carols in all of the stores remind us of that ‘good old feeling’ that we long to recapture every year. Decorations on houses can bring up memories of Holidays past. It can begin to feel as if the things that once brought us so much joy are now painful reminders of what we’ve lost or are losing. The more we think about the loss that our situation has created, the more we spiral into a pity party for one.

There are a lot of ways that newly single divorcees may try to cope with the ‘holiday blues’. It may be tempting to overdo gift-giving or try to compete with the ex for who can get the biggest, most expensive, or largest quantity of gifts for the kids. While this may create a temporary feeling of satisfaction, it can create hostility between competing adults and this teaches children to value ‘stuff’ over relationships. Some may wish to retreat to the clamor of activity and friends to drown out their emotions, losing out on valuable time that could be spent creating new happy memories and new loving traditions. Many people may turn to alcohol or other drugs to escape the reality of their situations, creating negative patterns that can lead to addiction and even greater suffering.

While these ‘quick fixes’ may seem like great ideas in the short run, they are not. Covering over a problem with a ‘quick fix’ is much like putting a bandaid on a dirty wound. Soon the wound festers, infection spreads, and the problem only becomes worse. But there is a way to actually SHIFT those feelings of loss, sadness, and grief at the holidays into something positive. And it’s EASY. Unlike the quick-fixes above, the only side-effect is happiness.

I want you to try something that was researched by Dr. Masaru Emoto. I’m sure you drink water everyday don’t you?

Good. So this should be easy.

Thanks to his experimental work we can look to water, and its frozen crystals, to confirm the healing power of positive thinking, uplifting statements, and prayer. He learned that the written word changed water. Our bodies are made up of about 70% of water so our thoughts and feelings directly affect us every day.

See more videos like this.

He taped paper strips on bottles of tap water and then photographed the frozen water. He found that words such as “Thank you,” and “I love you,” as if by magic, caused the tap water to form beautiful crystals. Words such as “You make me sick,” or “You are a fool,” caused ugly, distorted crystals or no crystals at all.

When I was young there was a saying, “Sticks and stones will hurt my bones but names will never hurt me.” There is proof from Dr. Emoto that that saying is false! So we can dwell in our pity-party for one and continue to create ‘ugly’ water crystals, or we can choose to transform ourselves as if by magic with loving words and phrases!

Directions for making “Water Blessing” Statements.

Take a clear water bottle, a drinking glass or a water jug and place some loving words or words of gratitude on a strip of paper and paste the strips like the ones below on them.

am loving.
I am grateful.
I am joyful.
I am an energetic person.
I love my life.
Make your own positive sentences.

Get the free download to print your own phrases at home.

Remember that positive, compassionate words comfort and heal; negative words and insults hurt.

Creating New Thanksgiving Traditions in the Midst of Divorce

Fall is a time of change. How fitting is it that Thanksgiving occurs in the fall? Mother Nature signals to us through the changing colors of leaves and changing temperature that it’s time to put away the old and bring out the new. This time of transition is also a time for gratitude and family. We come together to celebrate the year’s accomplishments and to acknowledge aloud our many blessings.

In the past, Thanksgiving may have been a chaotic experience. Shopping, travel, in-laws, and hours of cooking may have filled our to-do lists. But Thanksgiving is also a time for family togetherness and traditions. As separation and divorce bring with them the opportunity for big change, they also bring opportunity for new traditions to be created.

Change can seem frightening when we’re unsure of what the future holds. Here are 7 tips for creating new Thanksgiving traditions, even in the midst of divorce or separation, that the entire family can enjoy.

Make new traditions. Make a new dessert. Pinterest and Facebook are flooded this time of year with ideas. Try something new that the entire family can enjoy. Invite a friend to join you. Do you have other single friends or friends who are unable to travel for the holidays? Why not combine efforts and create a new pot-luck style Thanksgiving tradition.
K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Sweetie. You’ve seen this acronym before. In today’s world we all crave more simplicity. Let go of the idea of the ‘perfect’ Thanksgiving and embrace the idea of the relaxed and fun Thanksgiving, YOUR WAY. Consider trimming the menu down to only family favorites and get a turkey breast instead of cooking a whole turkey. The extra time spent with family or friends rather than in the kitchen cooking could be the welcomed new tradition you’ve been looking for.
Plan Ahead. Set aside ‘grown-up’ time to talk with the ex ahead of time. Keep it as cordial as possible but plan to have a discussion away from the kids just in case things get heated. Iron out as many of the details as possible ahead of time to avoid any last-minute arguments. The peace and ease of preparing for the holiday in advance will help to keep the spirit of Thanksgiving when schedules can otherwise get tricky.
Don’t reinvent the wheel. Are there family traditions that are worth keeping? Perhaps board games and football have been longstanding traditions. Why change what already works? The feeling of consistency can also help children to feel secure with the vast number of changes already happening in their lives. And this can take the pressure off of you to have to plan everything.
Alone on Thanksgiving day? Volunteer work is a great way to keep focus on gratitude and to avoid throwing a one-person pity party. Find out ahead of time where you can volunteer, mark it on your calendar and stick to the time you said you’d be there. Even if you find yourself in a mood to want to stay home alone, ‘fake it until you make it’. Go anyway! See how your mood shifts while in the service of others.
Be cognizant of what you say. Our thoughts create our reality. Be aware of your thoughts and feelings as the holiday approaches. It IS OK to feel blue. But it’s also ok to choose to remain in that state of mind or to refocus.
Count Your Blessings. When you find yourself feeling down, a great practice to begin to shift into a better state of being is Gratitude. See the article on gratitude and download the ‘Attitude of Gratitude’ practice sheet. Notice how your outlook changes with this simple practice.

Gratitude

Welcome to the month of November. Thanksgiving is Thursday, November 24th and this month we will focus on GRATITUDE. But for those of you that are going through a life transition at this time, you may feel that it is difficult to be grateful when what you are familiar with, has changed.

Do you know that expressing gratitude activates neural pathways in the brain? It then changes your vibrations and actually elevates your mood. As you express gratitude your life will change!

There are Four Key Areas of Your Life that will begin to have a positive effect on your life when you adopt a Daily Gratitude Ritual. The Four Key Areas of Your life are Health and Well-Being, Time and Money Freedom, Relationships and Vocation.

The power of gratitude derives from the most elementary law of metaphysics:
You will receive more of whatever you concentrate on.

Bless and praise what is working instead of being disappointed in what isn’t working. In other words, when you give thanks for something, the Law of Attraction will draw more of the same into your experience. Don’t complain about what you don’t want, because you will draw more of that into your life.

The choice is yours. Hate or curse what you see and you will live in a world of pain, sorrow and negativity… But give thanks and you will find more to be thankful about. You must keep your mind on HOPE and not Fear.

“The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.”
-William Penn

Here are some ways you can write what you are grateful for. You can easily do one of these suggestions every night before bed.

Get a notepad or journal and put it on your nightstand and generate Gratitude (or download this free PDF). As a Life Mastery Consultant, I have learned to write it in two parts; what I am grateful for and then what I am proud of.
Example:
I am so grateful for___________________________________________
And I am proud of____________________________________________
I am so grateful to receive this idea to generate a state of gratitude and I am proud that I have been doing this for 5 days.
I am so grateful for paying all my bills on time and I am proud that I am budgeting my money.
I am so grateful for my 2 wonderful daughters and I am proud that they have grown up to be empowered women.
Make some strips of paper with the 2 fill in the blank phrases above. One friend of mine uses a different color for each month.
Get a basket, small glass vase, a glass jar or anything that would fit about the strips for the days in each month or for the year.
Place the container on your nightstand or in the bathroom or put it in a place that you see every night before going to bed.

Use your creative mind to do your own version.
The main thing is to DO IT!

To Your Greatness,
Linda aka Nana Lin

The One Essential Strategy Women Need To Get Through A Divorce

When you want to make changes, but don’t know where to begin

There is one essential strategy you need to get through divorce. Whether currently divorced, considering divorce, or in the midst of a divorce, there is a growing concern: CHANGE. You know you want to make big changes in your life. Maybe you have no idea what exactly those changes will be just yet, but you know you want life to feel different from what it currently feels like. Questions mount: “Will I be able to handle all of my own bills” “What kind of support will I have from family and friends?” “What if things just get messy and I have no idea where to turn?” “Can I really do this all alone?”

First, let me say from experience, stop. Take a breath. It will all be okay. Now, keep reading.

There are some simple but powerful steps that you can do now to begin to gain some perspective, some confidence, and to deal with these challenges.

Gratitude. Right now it may seem as if the negative things piling up in your life far outweigh the positive. The very fact that you are reading this blog is a blessing. Think about thousands of things that you do automatically that allow you to read, comprehend, and process this information. You have sight. And if you don’t have sight it’s likely that you are listening to this, which means you have hearing. You have the mental capacity to understand the information that you are now reading (or listening to). Hundreds of thousands of chemical reactions are taking place in your brain, allowing you to understand and retain this information. You may even be comparing this information to things you have heard about or read before. You may even be thinking about how you can apply this to future events in your life. And a great deal of these actions are taking place almost involuntarily by you. In fact, every day we experience much of our day on autopilot. Think of what gifts each of our senses are. Think of how blessed we are that we are able to function so well from day to day with minimal effort on our part. Imagine what it might be like if we had to expend effort to do each mundane task, one at a time.Once you begin to think about all of the teeny tiny things in life there are to be grateful for, how do you feel? It is impossible to feel fear and gratitude simultaneously. Spend some time listing as many things in your life there are to be grateful for.
Vision. Once you have made a gratitude list, begin to think about the life that you would like to create for yourself. There is no dream too big or too small, and you don’t even have to have a plan to make your dreams come true. By simply having a dream or goal in mind, you are on your way to that better feeling life. What does your dream look like? Smell like? Taste like? Who are you with? Where are you geographically? Are you in a different house? On a different continent? Are you in solitude in a sacred space or surrounded by loving friends and family? There is no right or wrong here. This is your dream. You get to decide. Take a minute and write down your dream… even if it feels impossible to obtain.
Step. You now know how blessed you are, even if things are not perfect in your life right now. You also know how you want to feel and how you would like your life to look. You have an idea for your dream life. In every goal there is a gap between where you are now and where you would like to be. Some gaps seem impossible to bridge, and so that is why we take baby-steps.Take a moment to write down one thing that you can do in the coming week to help you move toward your goal. No step is too small.

Now that you know what is possible and what you want you may encounter some challenges along the path. It’s okay! Just keep moving forward.

Ready for a change? I work with clients just like you who are looking for big change and have either encountered obstacles along the way, or who struggle to figure out what the next ‘big thing’ is for them. Contact me today for a consultation to see if the DreamBuilder program might be for you.